All I Ever Wanted.

All I ever wanted, was to be heard. Someone to just listen to me; to let my self go. I never seek advice, nor a second oppinion, but instead, just to have someone listen and know. It would be a miracle to find somebody who would do this task...

Probably that is what I need; a listener. I can't stand people just randomly giving advice when I do not seek for it. It just causes an interruption, I am SO serious. It is hard nowaday to find somebody I can just talk to without stifling me with comments and critizims. GOSH! people really need to develop listening skills. I think the teens should read the 7 habit habits of highly effective teens. Just gives you another perspective of things, and it really helps me often.

Oh gosh, today was the worst. I totally failed my project, probably got a C on my test, and had TWO meetings to go to. I am only in junior high! I am not a miracle worker!Well, I probably had a little slice of highschool =\.

Well, arjay is talking to me and we usually have long conversations gotta toodle! buh bye!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

RIGHT!

Yesterday was my piano recital. I swear I practiced SO much in the last week. When I arrived at the recital place, oh gosh. I looked like a dork in there. I was so lost and hopeless, while the other recitalists were starring at me intently. Even Arjay was scaring at me like i was some sort of a mad man. Well, they kind of take it too seriously, so it didn't bother me; it was a vexed thing to do.

Oh gosh, at first, i was late because my shoe broke, and there wasn't an empty lot for parking. Then, I didn't know where to sit, so I had to ask the other people if i sat at this one chair ( which really was the chair). All they did was stare at me. I was like ok screw you too *chuckle.* When I was getting ready to play my piece, I was biting my nails, and well, I did not know what I was biting, so my finger started to bleed! Oh gosh, well I bowed and tried my best. I made a mistake in one of the silent parts so I guess you can say I was fortunate. After, they announced the awards. My heart was pounding like a hammer bouncing off a nail. Thankfully, I recieved the highest rank. I also received a medal for most improved( but they spelled my name wrong!) There was food afterwards, so then I ate a danish, fruits, bagel, and lemonade. That was only the apetizers I guess because my whole family went to a chinese restaurant after the recital. We ordered an immense amount of food. Oh gosh, it was a miracle to finish everything, but suddenly, the miracle struck us, and the food was gone in an instant.

BLAH

Don't you just ever feel like 'blah'? No emotion? No anxiety? Just nothing? Lately, I've been feeling blah. I think its a chronic disease that has spread upon me and I can't do anything about it. My face has just been blanched with blahness even if I try my hardest not to feel this emotion. Is it even an emotion?

Ironically, I have no emotion whatsoever. Well, now I am skeptical with the no emotion issue, I guess I'm a little frustrated. Nothing interesting has been going on, it's just the same old stuff people rave about that doesn't reflect upon me. I hate it when im just bored with lameness. I wish my life can be uplifting and exhillerating, well just something that is charismatic atleast. Why do I feel this way? I know sometimes that I can really be inconsiderate of people's feelings because probably I just don't want to hear about them. It's great to listen to things with a point, such as to laugh or feel sad about, but when it comes to their stuff that has nothing to do with my life or their life, OR ANYONE ELSE"S LIFE! Why even mention it? It's just too tedious, I swear. Probably I've been suffering from boredom instead of blah.

Other than that, I guess there are some interesting topics lately. RJ dude is actually really, well fascinating. He has so much in common with me that it's just scary nowaday. He can also be capable of having a sweet side. Well, it is probably in the personality package personally delivered in the past month. I saw signs of him just not necessarily wanting to be sweet but in a way he is sort of trying. Well, I guess he is not playing hard to get, he is hard to get. In a way, he makes my day=].

So Cut My Wrists and Black My Eyes

"Ohio Is For Lovers"

Hey there,

I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.

Where you are and how you feel.

With these lights off as these wheelskeep rolling on and on.

(and on and on and on...)

Slow things down or speed them up.Not enough or way too much.

(and on and on and on...)

How are you when I'm gone?

[Chorus:]

And I can't make it on my own.

(And I can't make it on my own.)

Because my heart is in Ohio.So cut my wrists and black my eyes.

(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)

So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.

Because you kill me.You know you do, you kill me well.

You like it too, and I can tell.You never stop until my final breath is gone.

Spare me just three last words.

"I love you" is all she heard.

I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.

ohio is for lovers- hawthorne heights

I have a friend who is a "cutter." I think she just wants to get into the crowd of the darkness and morbid. I purposly think she is faking all o fhtese nonsense of the cutting, since she isn't even cutting till she bleeds the crimson, although cutting is still bad. I want her to break the habit of the attention since i think that is what she craves for. I've first realized who Meghan really was, when another friendtold me she shows-off a lot. Well, i thought that was nonsense, but then I realized that she is just like Geremy; draws attention using their life styles. It just doesn't make sense cutting your self and telling the whole world.

Well, today wasn't too bad. It was picture day and I have a feeling I blinked. BLAH I'll type in more later on.

The RUN Away Bride's Maid

Oh gosh, I had to meet up with the conceited Geremy. Although it is his nature to show-off, this time he was more considerate of his life and well-being. This time it somewhat intrigued me.

I came home from school when I ran across my cousin, lets name her Marie. Well, we both never really liked Geremy, so we just decided in which who would get shotgun. Evidently, both of us didn't. Since the amount of space in his pick-up truck can only hold a twig, I fortunatly had to sit in the back.
Although during the ride, I indolently listened to the conversation knowing I can't stare at the people outside the window, since he positioned the seat awkwardly. He mentioned about the wedding the whole enchalada. Marie offered me to read a book, called, Under the Tuscan Sun. I actually want to read more of it, but I can't read in cars, I get car-sick.

Afterwards, I surprisingly saw my mom at the westminister mall. She was carrying a bag with a box in which I assumed was a shoe box. She came with us to get the dressed altered. As usual, they assumed I was anorexic and so they cut the dress in about an half an inch in which its suppose to be. I swear I couldn't breathe in that thing. It just took two minutes for everything to be arranged, then it was off to dinner, or lunch. A dunch, or a linner?
I ate sushi. My dad doesn't approve of me to eat a dead, raw fish. Well, i love the taste. My cousin ate teriyoki chickem, and my future cousin in law ate a steak sandwich. The food was ok, but my stomache hurts now.

Then, was the brutal ride home. Geremy's truck was filled iwht junk, that i could barely move my legs, which was in a hurtful position. He first started off with the wedding, and I guess Marie ask the quesiton, "How did you and my cousin meet?" He said half on the interenet, but really on her 18th birthday. I barely remember something from the past. I was around 2 or 3, and i was at my cousins house, the one who is getting married. Well, I walked into the room, and there was a group of friend just like how Geremy said it, and then they were playing a game kind of like how Geremy explained it. I think there is a connection righh there. A coincedence huh?

Well, anyways I am currently talking to a friend. It's about yearbook, and he is just explaining how hard and stressful his job is. Oh gosh, I know its really hard, but it just bugs me how naive the journalism class can get! They should try running a class and setting up everything. I really try to provide everything, but it is just too hard. I really do try though, and when I can't get what the class wants, I just feel like a made another disappointment towards my self. I base everything towards my responsiblilty, and I beilieve their actions are partly my fault. In fact, I think of it as all of my fault.

That didn't make sense.. but ohwell i have to go BYE

Another boring day.

Well, yesterday I went to my cousin's house. It was pretty cool, since we watched "The Grudge." THAT movie just freaks me out so much. Well, other than the dreadful parts, the whole concept of it was really stupid. It's a three part movie, and the grudge is the second part. (No wonder it's hard to understand). Well, after we were talking about how to do our hair for my cousin's wedding. I'm kind of happy for them, except the groom is really conceited. I just hate how he is SO rich and he just shows off his five hundred dollar shoes, and his Manhattan home. Ugh, he is so naive when it comes to other people's perspectives of him. He claims he is an 'intellectual' person, but he is so blind when it comes to the unknown world of the beyond; feelings. Oh gosh, how can my cousin keep up with him? She is so dependent of him, that she has actually had the time to adapt to his blunt remarks about the family. I think his purpose for being in the family in to intimidate us. Well, that just makes us work harder.
Ha-ha, after the cruel remarks about my cousin and future cousin, the other cousins watched music videos. I guess it was fun with all of the music. Well, I usually hang out with my cousin who is about the same age as me. We gossip usually, (shh) and just talk about what's going on in our social life (How stupid can I sound? Social life?). Well she has problems; I kind of don’t really have any.
My friends are ok. I only know one of them has problems that I want to help her drastically. I know I will, I'm not going to let her get hurt ever. I'm not certain what problem she has, but I know one way or the other it's serious.
Well other than that, I don't have problems with other people. Let's see, some are dorks and some are cool. Well, there is a dude that is a fruit cake. I think he is kind of scary, and his best friend says he has a crush on me? No one really likes me ever, since I'm such a dork. I'm not sure if I like him though. He is really sweet, but I know other guys that are also. I really know him though, and I’m not sure, the past couple of weeks, I've got to know him a lot better. Eh, I'll just see how it all works out at the end. Well actually, I frankly DO care if he likes me, since he is in one of my classes where I am in control of, and where he doesn't work in. It will be so awkward being in there. Oh well, if he isn't going to bother me, the stress will.
Journalism is practically the best class that I will ever be in. I made history being editor in seventh grade, and also the first in my sixth grade group, to become editor-in-chief in eighth grade. That class just excites me, since it has to do with a lot of devotion and skill. All of the people are into that class, but some are not taking it seriously. It's hard to cooperate with them, but I love all of them. They work; it's just they can't cooperate with kids taking over. It's a drama thing, and an adaptation thing. Oh well, I know they yearbook is going to be better anyways.
I had a dream last night. It was snowing at school, and everyone was play with it. I never seen snow before, but my dream made it look so real. Well, not really, but I remember putting some on people. It was hilarious, but then I woke up. I hate it when I wake up in the middle of a perfect dream.
Well, ironically, well not ironically, idiotically, I rubbed my eyes after eating a lot of peppers. (Really) and they REALLY hurt, but my best friend’s mom is a nurse, so now it's ok. Well, I seriously have nothing to say anymore, so I will just leave it right here.

Buh BYE!

TOUCHdown!

Today I was suppose to go to a football game(Rose Bowl). With the stupidity of me, I didn't even wake up early enough to even make it to the bus. I guess I was just disappointed. My parents treated me out to Olive Garden. I love that place, but after we went to the mall. The mall should have put me in a better mood, but I still felt sucky for some reason. Well, atleast I'm at home just minding the time passing by to go to my aunt's house for one of those 'family meetings.'
I can't complain about the meetings. Sometimes, there are just too many of them, that I really get somewhat sleepy in the house. I like to visit my couins, although we talk less whenever we go to someone's house often. My grandpa always wanted three things, or four: Have a good education, don't be drug addicts, respect the elderly, and be close to your family. Well, that sums up with the closeness of my 'familia.'
Oh gosh, I'm really tired and bored, I think I'm going to blog mroe tomorrow.

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