My Days....

2004-12-30T17:05:00.000-08:00

WOW has it been that long? GOSH, I need to start updating.

Happy holidays even though it's very belated. Nothing has been going on so far, well, yeah something has been bugging me. Hopefully it will get out of my head, which it will. I seriously do not have anything to say. I just hope there aren't any stalkers around. BLAH BLAH.

Very very bored. oh gosh i dont feel like capitalizing my i's, they are too boring. the capitalized i's look like lowercase l's. BLAH all i wanna do is just type type type. harhar i am listening to the beegees! MWAHAHA, i know you are jealous.

Random thought

2004-12-15T19:03:00.007-08:00

I hate it. Highschool, not sucha big deal, but if you have your favored highschool on the tip of an iceberg, you wish it will fall into your hands. It's sad knowing people that are forced, or pressured attending to CAMS. I bet most of the answers I will hear coming out of the CAMS applicant's mouth, is "I want to go to CAMS because they base everything on math and science." True, but favoring around two things isn't going to get you anywhere. What motivates you? The subjects favored are not a specific answer once you attend this type of school. They do not realize that it is competitive, and that they can easily get in CAMS. At this point, I know many people can be confused because of the "easily get in CAMS" part, but its true! Gosh, I am really chagrinned knowing people who are skeptic about CAMS, do not mind attending another high school and can easily get accepted, and people who want to get accepted, but have a harder chance.

What are my reasons? I know I want to go to CAMS mainly because my goal in life is to conquer a harder learning experience. I want to be an individual still finding out my true self-what I am adroit to. Why can't I strive for the best instead of succeeding for only the better? I have a passion for science; I definitely know that much about my self. Probably CAMS can get me a head start on life since I am stuck in a box so far.

My passion for writing has taken another step. I believe I use more of my literature side of my brain instead of the logical side. Lately, I have been expressing my creativity through writing, crafts, art, and school work(Seriously, I signed up as design editor for the newspaper) Hopefully, I do not get the position. I have yearbook on my mind already :)!

I started to write, instead of blogging. I have a feeling I am being stalked sometimes. I wish I can run away into some sort of surreal dream to fascinate me. Life as I know it, is usually boring.

I'll read my mythology book to let the time pass by. OH wait friends is on! I swear that show is too witty. *love it! especially phoebe!* Hm then after I need to bake a cake for leadership. Don't ask why, I just have to. At least I am fortunate to making it in that freakin' class!

I will blog more someday. I want to watch the incredibles.*random*

on an emotional rollercoaster

2004-12-10T19:01:00.000-08:00

I went to a school dance today. Oh gosh at first it was okay just the usual freak dancing people battling, dance. I then realized that no one had the camera to take pictures for journalism. Oh gosh did I panic. I'm too paranoid when there is an unfinished task. Well, I knew my friend Neil had a camera so I asked him if I could borrow it. Well, he was surely kind enough to say yeah, but then it was his dad's and he kinda stole it from him, so then I just said naw.

I was sort of bumed out after the camera incident. I was eating pizza and punch while everyone else was slow dancing. I saw a flash and I thought it was the special effects the lights made. Yeah, but it was really Neil taking pictures for the yearbook :)! AWW so sweet of him. We then started taking pictures and talking. Right then and there I knew there was a moment! Oh gosh and then I tilted my head(litterally i tilted my head) and I thought he was sort of cute.(EW hell naw he can't be) I avoided it by hanging out with Arjay. Oh gosh, he stole my bag and locked me up in the guy's bathroom. HOLY shizz good thing no one was using the urinals! Oh gosh this guy named Andrew came out and he was like umm... haha it was hilarious... well he didnt even wash his hands soo yeah I am not touching him anymore!

Oh gosh, how the hell was there a spark with a guy name NEIL! NO there can't be. It was just a good thing he did for me right? Ugh, and I still kinda have a thing for Arjay his bestfriend. DANG I am gonna find better guys, or they can find me. Ugh so disgusting, Neil is definitely a brother to me. I'll get over it soon.

and it hurts so bad...

2004-12-09T22:20:00.000-08:00

I neglect this site. Oh well, like anybody bothers to read. Well, my intention was for this to be a private site. Eh...

What really is the meaning of life? A fulfilment of love and happiness? A lesson taught by experience? Is it something to prove or is it merely a cycle? Whatever it is, life has been good to me. Children in Ethiopia have malnutrition and live in poverty. I am not just talking to the kids in Ethiopia, it's all over the world! Kids, adults, the elderly... Doesn't hurt to see your own class of animals starving while you have the ticket to eat food and throw half of it away? Isn't it painful knowing there is blood spilling, and the government passing laws of killing one another because of a criminal act? Why aren't we using our brains to solve these atrocities? Doesn't it even hurt for some people to see people on the verge of dying?

All I Ever Wanted.

2004-11-23T15:21:00.000-08:00

All I ever wanted, was to be heard. Someone to just listen to me; to let my self go. I never seek advice, nor a second oppinion, but instead, just to have someone listen and know. It would be a miracle to find somebody who would do this task...

Probably that is what I need; a listener. I can't stand people just randomly giving advice when I do not seek for it. It just causes an interruption, I am SO serious. It is hard nowaday to find somebody I can just talk to without stifling me with comments and critizims. GOSH! people really need to develop listening skills. I think the teens should read the 7 habit habits of highly effective teens. Just gives you another perspective of things, and it really helps me often.

Oh gosh, today was the worst. I totally failed my project, probably got a C on my test, and had TWO meetings to go to. I am only in junior high! I am not a miracle worker!Well, I probably had a little slice of highschool =\.

Well, arjay is talking to me and we usually have long conversations gotta toodle! buh bye!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

2004-11-22T15:42:00.000-08:00

RIGHT!

Yesterday was my piano recital. I swear I practiced SO much in the last week. When I arrived at the recital place, oh gosh. I looked like a dork in there. I was so lost and hopeless, while the other recitalists were starring at me intently. Even Arjay was scaring at me like i was some sort of a mad man. Well, they kind of take it too seriously, so it didn't bother me; it was a vexed thing to do.

Oh gosh, at first, i was late because my shoe broke, and there wasn't an empty lot for parking. Then, I didn't know where to sit, so I had to ask the other people if i sat at this one chair ( which really was the chair). All they did was stare at me. I was like ok screw you too *chuckle.* When I was getting ready to play my piece, I was biting my nails, and well, I did not know what I was biting, so my finger started to bleed! Oh gosh, well I bowed and tried my best. I made a mistake in one of the silent parts so I guess you can say I was fortunate. After, they announced the awards. My heart was pounding like a hammer bouncing off a nail. Thankfully, I recieved the highest rank. I also received a medal for most improved( but they spelled my name wrong!) There was food afterwards, so then I ate a danish, fruits, bagel, and lemonade. That was only the apetizers I guess because my whole family went to a chinese restaurant after the recital. We ordered an immense amount of food. Oh gosh, it was a miracle to finish everything, but suddenly, the miracle struck us, and the food was gone in an instant.

BLAH

2004-11-16T15:24:00.000-08:00

Don't you just ever feel like 'blah'? No emotion? No anxiety? Just nothing? Lately, I've been feeling blah. I think its a chronic disease that has spread upon me and I can't do anything about it. My face has just been blanched with blahness even if I try my hardest not to feel this emotion. Is it even an emotion?

Ironically, I have no emotion whatsoever. Well, now I am skeptical with the no emotion issue, I guess I'm a little frustrated. Nothing interesting has been going on, it's just the same old stuff people rave about that doesn't reflect upon me. I hate it when im just bored with lameness. I wish my life can be uplifting and exhillerating, well just something that is charismatic atleast. Why do I feel this way? I know sometimes that I can really be inconsiderate of people's feelings because probably I just don't want to hear about them. It's great to listen to things with a point, such as to laugh or feel sad about, but when it comes to their stuff that has nothing to do with my life or their life, OR ANYONE ELSE"S LIFE! Why even mention it? It's just too tedious, I swear. Probably I've been suffering from boredom instead of blah.

Other than that, I guess there are some interesting topics lately. RJ dude is actually really, well fascinating. He has so much in common with me that it's just scary nowaday. He can also be capable of having a sweet side. Well, it is probably in the personality package personally delivered in the past month. I saw signs of him just not necessarily wanting to be sweet but in a way he is sort of trying. Well, I guess he is not playing hard to get, he is hard to get. In a way, he makes my day=].

So Cut My Wrists and Black My Eyes

2004-11-10T15:31:00.000-08:00

"Ohio Is For Lovers"

Hey there,

I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.

Where you are and how you feel.

With these lights off as these wheelskeep rolling on and on.

(and on and on and on...)

Slow things down or speed them up.Not enough or way too much.

(and on and on and on...)

How are you when I'm gone?

[Chorus:]

And I can't make it on my own.

(And I can't make it on my own.)

Because my heart is in Ohio.So cut my wrists and black my eyes.

(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)

So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.

Because you kill me.You know you do, you kill me well.

You like it too, and I can tell.You never stop until my final breath is gone.

Spare me just three last words.

"I love you" is all she heard.

I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.

ohio is for lovers- hawthorne heights

I have a friend who is a "cutter." I think she just wants to get into the crowd of the darkness and morbid. I purposly think she is faking all o fhtese nonsense of the cutting, since she isn't even cutting till she bleeds the crimson, although cutting is still bad. I want her to break the habit of the attention since i think that is what she craves for. I've first realized who Meghan really was, when another friendtold me she shows-off a lot. Well, i thought that was nonsense, but then I realized that she is just like Geremy; draws attention using their life styles. It just doesn't make sense cutting your self and telling the whole world.

Well, today wasn't too bad. It was picture day and I have a feeling I blinked. BLAH I'll type in more later on.

The RUN Away Bride's Maid

2004-11-08T18:54:00.000-08:00

Oh gosh, I had to meet up with the conceited Geremy. Although it is his nature to show-off, this time he was more considerate of his life and well-being. This time it somewhat intrigued me.

I came home from school when I ran across my cousin, lets name her Marie. Well, we both never really liked Geremy, so we just decided in which who would get shotgun. Evidently, both of us didn't. Since the amount of space in his pick-up truck can only hold a twig, I fortunatly had to sit in the back.
Although during the ride, I indolently listened to the conversation knowing I can't stare at the people outside the window, since he positioned the seat awkwardly. He mentioned about the wedding the whole enchalada. Marie offered me to read a book, called, Under the Tuscan Sun. I actually want to read more of it, but I can't read in cars, I get car-sick.

Afterwards, I surprisingly saw my mom at the westminister mall. She was carrying a bag with a box in which I assumed was a shoe box. She came with us to get the dressed altered. As usual, they assumed I was anorexic and so they cut the dress in about an half an inch in which its suppose to be. I swear I couldn't breathe in that thing. It just took two minutes for everything to be arranged, then it was off to dinner, or lunch. A dunch, or a linner?
I ate sushi. My dad doesn't approve of me to eat a dead, raw fish. Well, i love the taste. My cousin ate teriyoki chickem, and my future cousin in law ate a steak sandwich. The food was ok, but my stomache hurts now.

Then, was the brutal ride home. Geremy's truck was filled iwht junk, that i could barely move my legs, which was in a hurtful position. He first started off with the wedding, and I guess Marie ask the quesiton, "How did you and my cousin meet?" He said half on the interenet, but really on her 18th birthday. I barely remember something from the past. I was around 2 or 3, and i was at my cousins house, the one who is getting married. Well, I walked into the room, and there was a group of friend just like how Geremy said it, and then they were playing a game kind of like how Geremy explained it. I think there is a connection righh there. A coincedence huh?

Well, anyways I am currently talking to a friend. It's about yearbook, and he is just explaining how hard and stressful his job is. Oh gosh, I know its really hard, but it just bugs me how naive the journalism class can get! They should try running a class and setting up everything. I really try to provide everything, but it is just too hard. I really do try though, and when I can't get what the class wants, I just feel like a made another disappointment towards my self. I base everything towards my responsiblilty, and I beilieve their actions are partly my fault. In fact, I think of it as all of my fault.

That didn't make sense.. but ohwell i have to go BYE

Another boring day.

2004-11-07T13:07:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday I went to my cousin's house. It was pretty cool, since we watched "The Grudge." THAT movie just freaks me out so much. Well, other than the dreadful parts, the whole concept of it was really stupid. It's a three part movie, and the grudge is the second part. (No wonder it's hard to understand). Well, after we were talking about how to do our hair for my cousin's wedding. I'm kind of happy for them, except the groom is really conceited. I just hate how he is SO rich and he just shows off his five hundred dollar shoes, and his Manhattan home. Ugh, he is so naive when it comes to other people's perspectives of him. He claims he is an 'intellectual' person, but he is so blind when it comes to the unknown world of the beyond; feelings. Oh gosh, how can my cousin keep up with him? She is so dependent of him, that she has actually had the time to adapt to his blunt remarks about the family. I think his purpose for being in the family in to intimidate us. Well, that just makes us work harder.
Ha-ha, after the cruel remarks about my cousin and future cousin, the other cousins watched music videos. I guess it was fun with all of the music. Well, I usually hang out with my cousin who is about the same age as me. We gossip usually, (shh) and just talk about what's going on in our social life (How stupid can I sound? Social life?). Well she has problems; I kind of don’t really have any.
My friends are ok. I only know one of them has problems that I want to help her drastically. I know I will, I'm not going to let her get hurt ever. I'm not certain what problem she has, but I know one way or the other it's serious.
Well other than that, I don't have problems with other people. Let's see, some are dorks and some are cool. Well, there is a dude that is a fruit cake. I think he is kind of scary, and his best friend says he has a crush on me? No one really likes me ever, since I'm such a dork. I'm not sure if I like him though. He is really sweet, but I know other guys that are also. I really know him though, and I’m not sure, the past couple of weeks, I've got to know him a lot better. Eh, I'll just see how it all works out at the end. Well actually, I frankly DO care if he likes me, since he is in one of my classes where I am in control of, and where he doesn't work in. It will be so awkward being in there. Oh well, if he isn't going to bother me, the stress will.
Journalism is practically the best class that I will ever be in. I made history being editor in seventh grade, and also the first in my sixth grade group, to become editor-in-chief in eighth grade. That class just excites me, since it has to do with a lot of devotion and skill. All of the people are into that class, but some are not taking it seriously. It's hard to cooperate with them, but I love all of them. They work; it's just they can't cooperate with kids taking over. It's a drama thing, and an adaptation thing. Oh well, I know they yearbook is going to be better anyways.
I had a dream last night. It was snowing at school, and everyone was play with it. I never seen snow before, but my dream made it look so real. Well, not really, but I remember putting some on people. It was hilarious, but then I woke up. I hate it when I wake up in the middle of a perfect dream.
Well, ironically, well not ironically, idiotically, I rubbed my eyes after eating a lot of peppers. (Really) and they REALLY hurt, but my best friend’s mom is a nurse, so now it's ok. Well, I seriously have nothing to say anymore, so I will just leave it right here.

Buh BYE!

TOUCHdown!

2004-11-06T16:09:00.000-08:00

Today I was suppose to go to a football game(Rose Bowl). With the stupidity of me, I didn't even wake up early enough to even make it to the bus. I guess I was just disappointed. My parents treated me out to Olive Garden. I love that place, but after we went to the mall. The mall should have put me in a better mood, but I still felt sucky for some reason. Well, atleast I'm at home just minding the time passing by to go to my aunt's house for one of those 'family meetings.'
I can't complain about the meetings. Sometimes, there are just too many of them, that I really get somewhat sleepy in the house. I like to visit my couins, although we talk less whenever we go to someone's house often. My grandpa always wanted three things, or four: Have a good education, don't be drug addicts, respect the elderly, and be close to your family. Well, that sums up with the closeness of my 'familia.'
Oh gosh, I'm really tired and bored, I think I'm going to blog mroe tomorrow.

NEW

2004-11-06T11:03:00.000-08:00

testing one two three... testing